December 2002 Issue
On the Lighter Side
Words
that Should be in the Dictionary
10 words that don't exist, but should:
1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the
bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
2. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of
running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over
and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum
one more chance.
3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on
the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow `remove' all the germs.
4. ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one
armrest in a movie theater.
5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the
dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to
give up and sweep it under the rug.
6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here"
spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the `illegal' side.
7. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose
seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and
forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
9. PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses
its nose to it.
10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the
phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six
inches away.
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